I bet you all wonder how I died. Well, Irene pushed me. I didn’t jump. When John barged into the party shouting, I was standing by the open window. At that moment I saw my whole life with him flatten out and collapse, and a new life, the one I have wanted for so long, open up before my eyes shining and bright. I wasn’t scared. You know I don’t scare easily. It was a moment of liberation. Seeing John rushing screaming at me that I was a damned dirty nigger felt exactly right, like destiny (except that I don’t believe in destiny). John’s arrival was, I now realize, exactly what I’d been pushing for.

I hadn’t been pushing for Irene to push me out of a sixth-floor window. She took me completely by surprise. I don’t think she thought. She just grabbed my elbow and pushed me over the window sill into the void.  One moment I had been there, a vital glowing thing, like a flame of red and gold. The next I was gone.

Yes, I’m gone. And at the same time, I’m still here in all of your minds. I wonder how Brian feels. I wonder whether Irene will be able to live with what she did. I wonder how much Margery will miss me. I think I heard Irene say that Margery will likely turn out a lot like me and that John shouldn’t trust her. Poor child. Now Margery has this cruel cross to bear. She passed through no choice of her own. She was born passed. I wonder where her life will lead.

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